How long will it be before I give this up completely as a bad job?
Mahler playing as I type, that's good despite the melancholy of the Adagietto! Up at 6.30 to finish 'A pile of pants' for #thegreatbigartexhibition2021. But I fear their theme of 'Humour' didn't appeal in anyway. Even when a famous gallery on the Soth Bank tried vainly to curate a show that proved art could be funny, they failed so gloriously that it was funny in itself. Even at my lightest the amount of darkness is overwhelming. This is called Atomic Cloud and is from that same sketchbook from 20 years or so ago. It visually derives from a bunch of flowers in a vase, perhaps appropriate for this Mothers' Day, but I am not celebrating that myself. It only reminds me of what is not there. The second year of mourning can be worse than the first, I have been reliably reminded, as the grief creeps up and pounces unexpectedly. I am still plugging away at various competitions, but feel that the barriers are insurmountable. But at least that way I cannot be greatly disappointed any more. My mother managed to see my only entry so far into the RA Summer Show' it was 20 feet up in the air, next to a massive black wall-sculpture, and had slumped off the backboard in its frame. The RA didn't tell me, but it inevitably did not sell. My hobbies now include collecting postcards, caving and banging my head against a brick wall!