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  • ferristeaching

So exhausted

No idea why, but just run down after the first week back at school. Never enough time...

Lying awake in bed very early this morning thinking up the Ferris Paradox: I understand everything, but comprehend nothing. That sums it up. I get all sociological interactions, but the lack of logic in almost all human connection startles me. Or rather, it no longer surprises me, but the wtf reaction burgeons in my mind. Education rises one's earning possibility and helps Society at large, but so many engage at the lethargic level. Parents endorse the whims of their offspring even when they are guaranteed to end in tears. Company structures promote the meretricious and those heavenly twins I have christened 'Greed and Faff' disrupt everything, like a teaspoon of hormone in an Olympic swimming-pool... the effects are still as vehement throughout the body, physical and metaphorical.

The above image sort of encapsulates my melancholia: the pair of mirrored youths contemplate a death's head each, but do not talk, appear not to be able to process or react. Need to go out to get deck shoes and long-sleeved shirts for work. It is depressingly quotidian, and cancels the 7 books I bought at Emmaus yesterday. I now have 21 to read by the end of the year - detective novels and two art history - Rembrandt and van Gogh.

Can look forward to a memorial lunch this time next week. Hope that school is not too onerous this week. It tends to be a place where a superb lesson with lovely young people is cancelled by an hour in which I regret ever doing the PGCE. And my mood-swings continue regardless of the random stimulus.

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