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Bilge governance

When you candidate to be an MP, they only ask you if you have ever lied?. You must say, 'No!'

I suppose that if you only speak the truth you won't get very far in life. I would estimate that I have lied 4 times during my adult life. White lies, such as an answer to my father's nosey probing at my grandfather's funeral. None of his business, but I said no.

I do do a thing adults manage many times; let people put two and two together to make 47.5. Works well with teens. Only the brightest will twig that I did not say yes. The best think with them is that my eccentricity does their heads in. 'Mr Ferris, what sort of car do you have?' 'I don't know how to drive,' by way of response is rather like saying I do not support a football team. They think i go to San Francisco to get my hair cut. I NEVER said 'just.'

They often say things that are unwittingly hilarious. I was preparing work for a wall display. A Year Seven pupil asked me what I was doing. 'I'm mounting work to put up in the corridor.' 'That's my picture there. I have never been mounted before.' Poor little bunny. I managed not to smirk, but I can only write the most outrageous when I make a memoir after I retire. And, of course, names and locations have to be changed.

Humour helps keep the vileness of the international world at a distance. But many times it is a very slim pill that acts only for a minute or two.

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